Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
