...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
