Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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