apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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