guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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