mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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