his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
