if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's blow job season.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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