Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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