The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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