Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
