every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
