there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
