Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
