No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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