dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
