I saw his package. It spoke to me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
