Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
