ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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