I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
