i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
