Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
