By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
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Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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