He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
