If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
