I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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