i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
