My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
