Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
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"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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