So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
