dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
