My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
