Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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