If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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