3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
