I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
