ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
