You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is Oprah even human
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
