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• (313): View more from Michigan

  So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Honestly.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Don't say a word.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Fuck I'm high.

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• (818): View more from California

  it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.

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  19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.

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• (914): View more from New York

  You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep

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  The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (760): View more from California

  I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.

  (951): View more from California

  Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped

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• (530): View more from California

  I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.

  (1-530): View more from California

  It's like you're the voice of my soul.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.

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• (310): View more from California

  I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch

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