Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
