she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
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i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.