One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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