Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?