i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.