I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
