erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality