What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
