I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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