She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
