Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
