And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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