Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
