When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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