If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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