Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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