He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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