Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Someone shit on the floor
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
