also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
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You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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