went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
