Porn is love you can see.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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