the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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