I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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