one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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