Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
