The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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