I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
