Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
