Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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