Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
