is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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