Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
