I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
