i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
