It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
