Joe is yelling at the trees again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
