I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
