my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i wish my penis had a tongue
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
