My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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