it hurts more in the daytime
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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