Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
